


Rat Catchers

by DizzyDrea



Category: Bull (TV 2016), NCIS
Genre: Crossover, Doppelganger, Gen, Humor, Trope Bingo Round 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 19:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10255799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DizzyDrea/pseuds/DizzyDrea
Summary: They have a lot in common, Tony DiNozzo and Jason Bull. Tony would be enjoying it more, except it's kinda freaking him out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure we're all thinking it: What would it be like if Tony and Bull ever met? This is where my mind went when I imagined that scenario. Takes place sometime in the early days of Ziva's time with the team, maybe Season 3 or 4. And it's not entirely Ziva-friendly, so if you like her character, you may not like the way I've written her here.
> 
> For the _Secret Twin/Doppelganger_ square on my Trope Bingo card.
> 
> NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles and all its particulars are the property of CBS, Paramount, Donald P. Bellisario, Belisarius Productions, Shane Brennan, Shane Brennan Productions, and a lot of other people who aren’t me. I am doing this for fun and for practice. Mostly for fun.

~o~

Tony DiNozzo stood at the Observation Room window, watching his boss work their suspect over like a slab of meat on a hook. The guy was still stubbornly clinging to his innocence, though Tony knew for a fact that he was anything but innocent. Just another asshole willing to let someone else do his time; not unusual in their line of work, unfortunately.

"Agent Gibbs is certainly a pleasant surprise."

Tony gave a minute start. Standing beside him at the window, watching Gibbs destroy their suspect, was the trial consultant that had been helping them untangle the mystery of who actually killed the victim. He'd had a minor (okay, maybe not so minor) freak out when he'd first met the man. 

Dr. Jason Bull wasn't like any trial consultant he'd ever met. He was pleasant and friendly, but with long-ish hair, glasses, a _sweater_ and a scruff that looked like he'd purposely forgotten where he kept his razor, he was also a study in contradiction. 

But the thing that freaked him out the most was that they could almost be twins. 

Ziva, standing on Tony's other side, snorted indelicately. "Gibbs is many things. Pleasant is not one of them."

"Oh, I don't know, Officer David," Bull said, rocking back on his heels, hands firmly planted in his pants pockets. "He's abrupt—some might even say grouchy—dogged, impatient, stubborn. Apparently not the easiest man in the world to get along with, but he doesn't have to be in order to get results. A conclusion he's clearly come to as well. His focus is entirely on getting justice for the victim. It's refreshing."

Now Tony was the one snorting. "If you value your life at all, you'll refrain from mentioning any of that in front of the Boss. His hatred of lawyers is dwarfed only by his distaste for shrinks."

"Understandable," Bull said. "No one likes being read like _The Sunday Times_."

"You cannot read everyone so easily," Ziva scoffed. "You continue to pull Gibbs' levers at every opportunity, despite the glares he has given you on numerous occasions. Clearly, you do not value your life."

Tony rolled his eyes. "It's 'push his buttons', Ziva. And I think he's got a good read on everyone. He read you like a book within five minutes of meeting you."

And hadn't that been all kinds of delicious fun. Tony had known instinctively that Ziva was trying to drive a wedge between him and Gibbs; a wedge big enough that she could fit in between and take his place as Gibbs' 2IC. The thing she hadn't counted on was Gibbs smacking her down once he'd gotten tired of her games. Tony was Bossman's 2IC for a reason, one that completely escaped Ziva. Her epic frustration was just a nice bonus. Dr. Bull's unflinching rundown—in front of the whole team—had been worth the price of admission.

"Really?" She turned and faced the two men. "Tell me about McGee, then. If you are so good."

"Ah, Special Agent Timothy McGee," he said. 

As one, they all turned back to the interrogation room. McGee was sitting second chair with Gibbs, but his role was simple: look like a fool so the suspect would underestimate him. Then, swoop in and hit him with the evidence. Hard. The only problem with that scenario was that McGee was sweating it out, still too intimidated by Gibbs to be an effective ruse. Unfortunately, Tony hadn't had any better luck with the guy, so this was what they had to work with. 

"Tim's an interesting case, actually," Bull went on, as if he was talking to himself. "He's young and talented. Investigation is obviously not a natural fit for him, but he holds his own. Still too impressionable, but he'll get there. Probably trying to impress a parent—my money's on the father—at the same time he's trying to get out from under said father's thumb. Put the right people around him to train him and he'll turn out to be fine agent. Like Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo here."

"Bah," Ziva said, waving his comments away as she turned back to the observation window. "Tony is too busy playing the baboon to be a real investigator."

"Buffoon," both men said, causing Tony to look at Dr. Bull with a slightly surprised yet slightly horrified look on his face. Bull only chuckled.

"Tony was trained by Special Agent Gibbs, if I'm not mistaken," Bull said. "Seems to me the man wouldn't keep him around if he weren't at least a competent investigator. Besides, he pulls more than his weight on the team, if the case notes I read are anything to go by."

"Gibbs keeps Tony around for sentimental reasons," Ziva said. She turned around once more, facing both men. "As soon as another, more seasoned investigator comes along, he'll be gone. This is the top team at NCIS, after all."

"Mmmmm," Bull said. "And what makes you thing you won't be the one dismissed, Officer David? You have less experience than Special Agent DiNozzo. Why would Gibbs keep you instead of him?"

Ziva's eyes were flashing. Tony was trying his level best not to show how much he was enjoying the show. Her words had stung, but given how frustrated she'd been lately, it wasn't exactly a secret that she wanted Tony gone. Still, he appreciated the way Bull was taking her down slowly, one peg at a time.

"I am a highly-trained government asset," Ziva said in a low, dangerous voice. "He would do better having me on the team than one who constantly plays… how do you say it? The Clown Prince?"

Tony glanced at Bull, whose eyebrow had risen to epic heights. Tony just rolled his eyes, then grinned. "Awww, Ziva, you compared me to The Joker. How sweet! Now, are you talking about the Jack Nicholson version, or are we talking Heath Ledger? Because Heath Ledger won an Oscar. I think I deserve at least that much consideration, given how much I've put up with over the years. Especially from you."

Ziva's face had grown steadily redder the longer Tony had monologued. He half expected her to explode at any moment. Instead, she just huffed once, turned on her heel and left the room. Tony was kind of disappointed. He'd wanted the whole show.

Beside him, Bull was chuckling. "Wow, that woman needs a psych eval and maybe some anti-psychotics. And you work with her every day?"

"Yeah," Tony said, sighing. He and Gibbs had talked it over privately, and both had come to the conclusion that she needed to be gone from the team, but Madame Director was being stubborn, and they had no idea why. So, Tony had started investigating, quietly. He hadn't turned up anything yet, but the fact that she was so desperate for Tony to be off the team was a huge red flag.

"I get it, you know."

Tony looked over at his companion. "Get what?"

"The humor, the deflecting. If they don't know who you really are, they can't hurt you. Plus, people are constantly underestimating you because of the act. All to the good, as far as I can see, because I wasn't kidding when I said that most of the case notes in the files I reviewed were yours. You cracked this thing wide open. She only wishes she could be as good as you are, but you can't teach raw talent."

"I—thanks? I think," Tony said. He shook his head a bit. "And thanks for not saying that in front of her. Although, any chance to fuck with her perceptions is good in my book. Leaves her off her game for at least a week."

Bull laughed out loud. "Oh, don't worry, I'm not done with her yet. Your Agent Gibbs asked me to do some discreet inquiries using some of my contacts. He doesn’t trust her, and frankly, neither do I. She's up to something. It's up to us to figure out what."

Tony was a bit pole-axed. Gibbs hated lawyers, so why he'd think to ask a trial consultant for help was beyond him.

"If it helps, I hate lawyers, too," Bull said, shaking his head. "Well, except for my ex-brother-in-law. For a lawyer, he's actually a good guy."

Tony smiled. "Gibbs actually has six rules that cover lawyers, but you only really need Number 13: Never, ever involve lawyers."

"Good rule," Bull said. "I only wish I could follow it. He got any other interesting rules?"

"Does he?" Tony said, shaking his head as he smiled. 

He caught sight of Gibbs rising from the table, their suspect a quivering puddle of goo. When he turned around, there was no missing the smug satisfaction on his face. Yeah, Gibbs never failed to get his man.

"Come on," Tony said, sweeping his hand toward the door. "I'll give you the brief rundown and email a list to you later. Right now, I have a feeling there's lots of coffee and paperwork in my future."

"You know, I hate paperwork almost as much as I hate lawyers," Bull said as he followed Tony out the door.

~Finis


End file.
